Where is the Love? A Disclaimer for the Empty-Handed.

Love has changed its address. It has swapped phones, gained a new number, and is cleverly disguised. I am sure of this, because it’s misrepresented. At least in my case. We talk about love lost, love felt but not returned, love unknown, or even a love taken away. It seems this emotion so possibly fleeting, so easily manipulated, or redirected is also heavily desired. This goes back to our grade school crush, or the celebrity posters we hung up and sang to in our room. Yes, we know. But seriously, this emotion is emphasized, monopolized, transparent, and often misused. We do some of the dumbest things under this premise of butterflies and nostalgia, yet we snap out of it to fall quickly into it again.

People desire great jobs, a lot of money, supportive family, an abundance of friends, and even the achievement of high school and college graduations. All things indicative of an enriched and prosperous life. But with these measurements of excellence, we always seem to find the ability to chase another dream. One that can many times supersede or impose on other dreams, yet we would stop time to feel it returned. Understandably so, humans need the connection. Shoot, animals display affection. There is an emptiness associated from not having love, yet the aftermath of a love had, yet taken leaves us even emptier. Coincidence? Is this the dare-devil complex in us all? Do we like the challenge? Or like anything else “bad,” for us, we enjoy the good of the moment?

Let me be clear because I may sound bitter or a non believer. I am actually the exact opposite. I am an advocate. I am a hopeless romantic. Emphasis hopeless. I would marry twenty times if twenty reasons called for it. No, I don’t think divorces or break ups are simple fixes, but I don’t feel people are as simple either…so sometimes extraction is best from the passion. Now either love is everywhere, and its many vessels are meant to be shared, or we love to love everything, and often times over indulge. To the ones in bliss, or to the ones who simply make it work…I guess Cupid made a calculating choice. Congratulations. I realize it’s not all long kisses, endless whispers, or contagious smiles of affirmation. I know most relationships that work do so because of the work it takes to make it and mold it. Arguments are more likely than affections, compromises more often than cuddling, and disappointment more times than divine stares of admiration. But there’s a dedication involved, I get that.

So is love missing, or the very work ethic necessary to allow it to flourish? Are we too lazy? Do we want the prince without the principles? Consider college. We graduate with some low grades, aggravating or possibly missed assignments. We even miss class. But we remain successful at the end. The bad days don’t prevent the objective. Is that our error in love? We forget to show up? Now I have seen love from many angles…I have been pursued, been the pursuer, broke hearts, suffered heartbreak, been dumped, been avoided, been chased, played, and misunderstood. Yet, I never shy away. Love is fundamental. It is uplifting, supportive, and it’s joyous…but only when it’s shared. I have seen people fall in love overnight, and others claim to have never met this euphoria directly. Either way people experience one another for a purpose. Rarely, is it a kiss on the cheek and I’ll still call you when I’m no longer interested, but wrong or right, people use this emotion. Perhaps, love gets a bad name. Perhaps, love is often confused with infatuation or lust. Perhaps people like a challenge, and seeming vulnerable or emotionally available helps seal the deal. Again, I don’t want to sound speculative, I just want to say Im waiting. I have felt love in many forms, just need that true blue, music video love now. That Nicholas Sparks movie love. That chase me in the airport and don’t let me leave love. That persistent get me back love. That THIS IS REAL LOVE.

So when I say I have no forwarding address, I am also saying I am ready to move forward. Maybe I am too anxious, or perhaps a bit naïve. I am a subscriber to Netflix, and all those Tyler Perry movies have messed me up. The moving man who is helping you move from the guy who mistreated and cheated on you, cares nothing about your 4 kids, your obnoxious, bitter outlook on life, is handsome, single, and interested? Please. I have been to every Uhaul….there is no off-screen Shemar Moore. Maybe I am reading the message wrong. Instead of love being that beautifully scripted, it’s to inspire us that despite what you are going through, love can find you. Man, makes me hopeful again.

Dear love, help me see you, know you, and respect you. Help me be aware of you in passing, and allow me to prevent you passing by. Help me see through situations of negativity to recognize the love underneath. Help me not confuse an unhealthy relationship with one that requires more attention. Help me know the difference. Help me not be scared of the loneliness initially felt, so that I am able to decipher feeling sacred. Help alleviate me from my ways that promote ill-fated unions, and make me more aware of the changes necessary to appeal to your existence. Help heal my heart so that forgiveness is for myself too. Help me see the truth in people and situations, so the wrong one is recognized. Help me stay strong, be able to admit that I’m wrong, and be more internally satisfied, so that I can easily lean on another. Help me be capable. Help me be humble. Help me love me.

Well let’s see if love knows my address. Or if maybe it’s time to move on.