Is Etiquette Still Relevant?

Etiquette…not a word we hear often.  My grandmother doesn’t even use it anymore.  What is it? Where has it gone and does it even matter?  I remember flipping through a Miss Manners book once and laughing at all the funny rules; were people really this picky?  Does it really matter how I use my spoon to only skim the top layer of my soup?  Is it really necessary to put a napkin on my lap?

Don’t get me wrong, my parents taught me manners.  I didn’t go to a special school or read books but I knew the rules.  Shoes come off at the front door, try everything on your plate, and respect your elders.  Once, I remember neglecting to thank my friend’s mom for having me over to play.

In the car heading home…

“Hannah, did you say thank you to Julie’s mom?”

“Umm….uh….no”

Lesson learned…quick.  Say thank you to your host.  Give eye contact. Don’t mumble and speak up.  Within two minutes of being home, I was on the phone thanking Julie’s mom.  (Those were the times when you actually had to call the house phone and ask to speak to someone).  

These lessons, or manners I should say, are good and valuable.  At the time I guess I didn’t think it was such a big deal.  But today I see adults and children all the time that need some help from Miss Manners.  Letting your child scream their head off on the subway while kicking strangers? Rude. Parking in a handicap space just so you don’t have to walk…not a good choice.  How about holding the door for the person that is literally right behind you.  Are people in that much of a rush, or that oblivious?  Some things just seem so obvious, or maybe not.  Do we not have manners anymore?  Chivalry?  Etiquette?  Are these ideas foreign?

I’m not writing this with the intention of changing the world’s etiquette, but I do believe we can incorporate discipline and etiquette into a lot of things we may not even think about.  

Let’s take dance.  Everyone knows something about ballet.  Whether you think of a little girl’s jewelry box that has the ballet dancer inside, or if its the ever famous pointe shoes that have the cool ribbons that tie up to the knee.  Which by the way is totally false; let’s get one thing straight today and let me reassure you that the ribbons tie around the ankle, not all the way up to the knee like cats cradle blew up on my shin bone.

I have been dancing since I was two years old.  My first recital was at age three.  I had to sing, dance and learn a choreographed routine with my teddy bear in my arms.  I have to say, that’s pretty remarkable for a three year old.  After a serious injury at the age of 11, I was told I may never dance again.  I fell in a pointe class and broke my Tibia and Fibula in half and spiraled all the way down to my growth plate.  Apparently it was a major ski break.  I was out for seven months, in a wheelchair for one and in three different casts.  Needless to say, I still went to ballet everyday.  I climbed up 100 stairs on my derriere (proper term for butt).  Having to watch classes everyday I realized how much I loved dance and decided this would be my career.  

Any serious ballet student knows that it’s mandatory to study over the summer.  While school is out and everyone is hanging out at the pool, ballet dancers around the world are running from program to program, trying to stay in shape and learning from guest teachers.  This was always my favorite time because I was able to travel, meet new friends and take classes all day.  As I got older and became a more mature dancer I noticed how bad the discipline was in class; ripped tights, crop tops or messy buns with hair flying out everywhere.  I couldn’t believe it!  Students were dancing on top of each other, had NO spacial awareness, or worse, were TEXTING in class when they were “injured.”  Ok girl, your ankle is fine, you’re just lazy and want to Instagram while you’re sitting out.

I didn’t know why someone would act like that in class and I definitely didn’t like it. At 5 years old my teacher used to yell at us so bad my mom would get scared sitting out in the hallway.  Everyday she would ask if I had fun in class and everyday I came out with a big smile on my face, ya mom! I loved it! I would never dare pull out my phone in class or fail to watch where I was going; it just wasn’t right.  Forget about a messy bun…we were fined for such things!

Two years ago I sent my mom this text…

“Mom I am writing a book on ballet etiquette and everyone is going to read it and behave in class.”

Funny right? I was so fed up with the lack of discipline in class.  Maybe because the world was fed up with etiquette in general and ballet class was the one place where I had found it.  So I did exactly what I said.  I was in the airport heading back from a summer program, sat down with my computer and wrote about ballet etiquette.  After editing and revising with students and teachers for two years I had a book; Ballet Etiquette: A Primer for the Student.  The beginning of which breaks down etiquette in various sections followed by journal pages for students to write corrections/combinations or anything they choose.

Lincoln Kirstein once said “Ballet is about how to behave.” Ballet was created for royalty and we can be sure that King Louis XIV was a the top of his game with etiquette.  We need discipline in this world and if that can begin in ballet class, then lets do our best to ensure that is honored.   

• By Hannah Bush, Author of Ballet Etiquette, a Primer for the Student

Hannah is offering The Quirky Quad readers a special price for her book. Usually $13, it is available to TQQ readers for $10 + shipping. Email Hannah at balletetiquette@gmail.com for your copy!