Dating Taboos: Go Traditional or Go Dutch?

A popular hesitation at the end of any date is…..no, not the kiss. The bill. You have those who do not raise a finger expecting the man to be the traditional gentleman, and you have the feminist woman of today, happy to pick up her half, if not the whole tab. Is there a rule to consider? Has this faux pas died with chivalry, or is the woman still allowed to presume the cost belongs to “the boss,” while still exerting her independence and desire to be treated equally in the capability department? Can we look past “the new era,” and respect old traditions, or has the age of use and disinterest created a fear to waste an expense not genuinely returned?

Traditional

The guy sees, the guy asks, the guy courts, and the guy pays. It’s the old loving feeling of being pursued. The lady does not seem too forward or desperate by allowing the man to approach. He calls, he sets up the date, picks her up, and pays. Is it too much this day and age to revel in the “old concepts,”of dating. Allowing the woman to seem shy and incapable of paying, only to keep the facade of innocence, and of course to stroke the ego of her date. It gives the men the opportunity to show off, to impress their date, and to display the ability to be a caretaker and spoiler of their potential. Sometimes this can be a gamble, being there is no promised return, but what goes along with the interest of the girl is what makes if the guy gets her, interesting. Some can vocalize not carrying the cash to dine the girl who will dash, but that brings up another traditional concept….dating one at a time. Perhaps, the lady is not asked out until some feelings of certainty exist, or accolades are seemingly returned, but at the risk of sounding like a feminist, the guy should possess the dominating role, even if only to savor the moment, or pay respect to the intentions of the tradition in the first place….prince the princess.

Dutch

This can alleviate heavy amounts of pressure, as the responsibility of the man to garnish large appetites is diminished, and the date can gain a different focus…one another, instead of the fact that she is ordering one after another. Often times there is so much anticipation about when “that black book,” will come, the excitement or intention of the night out can get a little lost. Besides, in the time period of women claiming men are no longer needed for their wallets, showing theirs can become less offensive. Some people claim that one pay off deserves another, so alleviation of this pressured idea can become eliminated, allowing any sexual presumptions to not join dinner. The woman can seem more genuine about her company, and less interested in a free meal. It levels the playing field, so any assertions made later, in regards to need, greed, or the intent to mislead are irrelevant. If there is no distinction between what gender can render what, then why does the bill cause so much territorial entitlement? The man can exude manners with other gestures (i.e. opening the door), and the woman can prove her worth with various actions (i.e. celibacy). Splitting the check should not split hairs, if each party is there for the best interest of self, then paying for self should be less negative.

Tips on how to “date”

Ladies, if you are put in charge of selecting the restaurant or event for the evening, set a premise that allows the man to “safely,” decline or commit to what is affordable. For example, if you are selecting where to eat, suggest a restaurant that is wallet friendly, one a bit more pricey, and then one more upscale (this is usually where you want to go), but present them all  as if they are your favorites, and allow the man the final decision. This way, he can pick the one most feasible to this financial situation, without feeling uncomfortable or coming off as cheap. This also lets him know that you are not expecting too much, or pretentious in where he takes you. Looking as if you expect nothing but the finer things, especially this early on, can send the wrong message. Plus, this allows you to see where he stands either with his finances or his wants/abilities when dining you, all while exuding a high regard of consideration. Also, if you must drink, have one drink. If he offers or prompts another, then decide if you desire one, but running up the bill can only urge him to run away.

With the roles changing in who approaches who, and when its proper to call the other, sending the wrong message is not solely about refusing the entire payment, and more about the entire encounter. Both parties are there with an interest of some kind, and inquiring about the other, over a session of self-indulgence, will allow both parties to decide how involved they want to be moving forward. Last, but not least, offer to leave the tip. Unless you have made a vow to remain the courted, offering to “give” towards some of the evening can leave a great impression on the other side of the table.

Bon Apetite!