Dating an Actor Part 1

With all the showmances, talent, the constant rejection, and the “wait, was that a real kiss? BITCH BETTER STEP BACK!” onstage kisses, dating an actor is hard. Like, really hard. So hard, in fact, that one of my most frequent questions-to-self is, “Why am I doing this to myself? Do I realize what I can be getting myself into?” Well, the answer yes, I do. In fact, I have already gotten myself into some of those situations, but it doesn’t matter, not yet at least, because I’m in love [cue Titanic theme song].

But enough of that! I am not here to tell you that my current situation is the model actor-actor romantic relationship. I’m here to explain why dating an actor sucks, how to get past all the things that suck about it, and how to remember that it doesn’t have to—it can actually be pretty amazing! You got together for a reason, for you had eyes and chose each other (Othello Act 3 Scene 3, anyone?). Let’s begin, shall we?
The Showmance

Oh, how cute! Fifi and Jimbo were in Hairspray together and now they’re ACTUALLY together!! So. Cute. Yeah?

The truth is, my relationship started off as a showmance, (for anyone who doesn’t know: show + romance = showmance) and a steamy one at that. I mean, dude was fine. Dude is still fine. We were cast in a show, we went to a party the weekend after the first rehearsal, and after a couple of delicious tequila shots the action unfolded. I thought it would be weird seeing him every night in rehearsal, but it wasn’t, and we haven’t stopped since (although wearing lipstick to school became pointless, if you know what I mean *nudge, nudge*). Now, which part of this sucks, you ask? When the showmance happens with someone else.

I get it. I know how it feels to fall in love in a theatre. I also know that when you’re in rehearsal doing your thing, reality can get pretty blurry and it’s easy to lose yourself, your own internal monologue, your own goals and objectives here on Earth. How can you trust that your significant other is not in rehearsal letting his or her reality get consumed by a world of actions and moments? How can you truly know that after rehearsal, he or she isn’t “leaving the drama on the stage” and not taking it outside? I mean, it’s college, mostly everyone is in their twenties, a.k.a. they don’t know jack shit about themselves and it’s hard to contain emotions. But, when you’re in a relationship in which you’ve decided to stick to each other, you have the responsibility to try. You both must realize that you have made an agreement that may be harder to keep if you’re in this business. Be prepared and professional, and if you feel a showmance coming on, my advice is to be up front about it. Don’t wait until you can’t control yourself any longer to then tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that you’re “confused.” Chances are they already saw it coming. You can avoid a lot of arguments if you’re honest with yourself and your partner from the beginning. After you talk about it, you can move forward. Now, if the flame quickly dies out, it’s up to you if you want to alarm your partner. If it was a short-lived ‘mance and nothing happened, I’d rather you keep it to yourself.

Theatre/Film > You

What happens when you audition for a four-month tour just because, but then you actually get a part? You go, duh.

It sounds cliché, but if your relationship is going to work, it will work. We artists have the potential to snag opportunities like touring or doing regional theatre in other states, or performing on cruise ships, and we should not be prohibited from opening these doors just because we are in relationships. Every couple’s dynamic is different, of course, but if your answer to someone who asks you why you didn’t fly to LA for that feature film is something along the lines of “I’d miss my boyfriend,” you run the risk of regretting it. I’ve heard so many horror stories about people saying no to near once-in-a-lifetime opportunities only to then be dumped by their significant other. And even if you stay together, you might end up resenting them. Take a chance and advance your career. If your significant other is worth it, they will understand. Also, if you guys manage to successfully make it through the time you spent apart, guess what? Now, you’re stronger and your experience has (hopefully) made you a richer and happier person. So, have faith in your relationship and go for it! You really never know when you’ll have an opportunity like that again.

On another note, being with an actor (and being one yourself) requires you to sacrifice a lot of quality time with your lover. Between rehearsals, tech, performances, after rehearsal wine with the cast (that some people can’t say no to because they want to be liked), you may find that you haven’t really spent time with your partner in quite some time. If you’re the actor in the show, it is your job to make time for your partner. That doesn’t mean that you skip rehearsal (heavens forfend!), but you can do little things like leave nice notes around for your love, surprise them with breakfast, or come home with a six pack and pizza and have yourselves a party! Also, if you have already reached the milestone, don’t forget to have sex. It gives you time to explore and smell each other and have time that is only yours. If you’re the actor, or the one that feels neglected, offer to learn about your partner’s world by running lines with them or listening to their songs if they’re in a musical. Make it known that you understand that they’re busy and that you’re there for them.

These are only a couple of the things you may confront when you’re with an actor, but rest assured that things get easier over time. If you hit a bump in the road, remember that you always have a choice and neither one is wrong. The most important feeling in any relationship is to feel like you can trust each other and as long as you do, dating an actor won’t suck that much!