To Thy Own Self Be True: Just Do You

Some where around the time you hit puberty up into your early thirties you’re all over the place.  You’re not sure who or what you want to be. You feel pressured by school, your family, your friends and society to become someone. If your not picking the type of person you are, you’re being pressured to choose the kind of person you want to be. There’s this sense of urgency, like you’re wasting time. I was once told “You’re wasting your life,” because I didn’t know which major to choose my sophomore year in college. Years and years of stressing and freaking out about something that’s not a big deal.

You also feel like you have to fit into these black and white categories. Once you leave high school, go to college, have a part time job, start taking of yourself financially, etc. Maybe after high school you want to travel, maybe you want to start a career, maybe you want to start you family. Not only do you feel this need to figure out who you are but also to do it the way society wants you too. It took me a long time to figure out who I was because I was trying to do, and be what everyone wanted me to be. Eventually I learned more about who I was by doing things my way. There are just a few things we should all remember when trying to figure ourselves out.

1. You Honestly Have Your Whole Life Ahead of You

I know people hear this a lot and it goes right over their heads, but it’s the truth. You’re barely old enough to drink and vote, and you think you should already have your life mapped out. If you think about it, the average healthy human lives to be about 80 years old. Most of the people who are “trying to figure themselves out” have only lived about a quarter of their lives already. Most of those years, your brain wasn’t even fully developed. Now how much sense does it make to know who you are, and what you will be doing with your life for the next 50 or so years? You’re not even the same person you were five years ago, and you don’t think you’ll change in the next five years? Logically speaking, it’s not practical to know who you are, or who you want to be at such a young age.

2.  Experiences Will Help Build Who You Are

Yes Murray Bowen and my psychology 101 professor had a point, how we were raised has a lot to do with who we are. What they also forgot to say was our life experiences shape who you are as well. Basically, the more things you experience the more you find out the type of person you are. If you are looking to find who or what you are, get out there and experience different things. You’re not pledged with all the troubles of the world just yet. Why not experience all you can while you can? Let’s face it, life is not going to get easier as you get older. So if you try something and fail, if things don’t work out, if you made a bad decision, guess what? You have all the time in the world to make it right, or try something new. Don’t limit yourself to who you think you have to be when you have the time to become or figure out who you want to be.

3.  Everyone Situation Is Different

A problem a lot of people have when they are trying to figure out who and what they are, is the comparison issue. We love to compare ourselves to people we think are in the same boat as us, or the people we aspire to be. This idea of we trying to accomplish the same thing as “I should be where you’re at” is terrible. Everyone is different, and everyone’s situation is different. It’s silly to feel like you have to be doing the same thing someone else is, or do things at the same pace.  When you learn to stop comparing yourself, and become comfortable with going at your own pace you’ll see things worked out better for you.  An important key in finding out who you are is stop to stop trying being someone else.

4. Live By Your Own Definition of You

Often times people want us to know who we are or who we want to be so they can label us. Society loves to put people into categories. We do it instinctively, it’s how are brains work. We identify things by the categories they fit in. So what if who you are doesn’t fit into those categories? What if who you are fits into a bunch of categories? If you are figuring yourself out be mindful if it’s how society sees you, or if that’s how you see yourself. Just because someone tells you they see you at certain way, doesn’t mean that’s who you are. It’s up to you to define yourself when you finally figure out who you are. Don’t let anyone shape, conform, or mold you.

I know it’s so easy to get sucked into the whole “Who Am I?” vortex but believe me, it’s not essential to have the answers. You don’t need to know what career field you want to get into. You don’t have to know who you are going to marry right now. If you don’t have your degree yet that’s fine. They aren’t going to run out of them by the time you decide to get one.  If you haven’t traveled the world yet don’t stress it, there’s still time. There’s still time to do any and everything you want to do with your life, including figuring out who you are.  You have to really “carpe diem” and experience life while you’re young. Never compare yourself to the people around you, and never let other people define who you are. The next time someone asks you who you are or who you want to be, don’t be afraid to shrug your shoulders and say…”I don’t know yet.”