Chronicles of a Cheater Part 1: The Why

Trust is an optimal force in any relationship. Whether you are confiding in a friend, or committing to a partner or spouse. The expectancy to stay faithful, fight off temptation, and reject possible advances is an unwritten definite. People know what to expect when entering a union, yet so many fall hind side to the reaction of the moment. They gravitate to the sporadic moment of the undisciplined and relentless. They find a pleasure in the forbidden. Why is that? Is it that exciting to be irresponsible and promiscuous? What is the appeal? If someone is in a relationship, there is an expected level of choice or agreement that coincides. People remain in unison, yet separate for the moment or occasion of another. Why is that? I am going to explore the possibilities surrounding the decision to stray. Then I am going to discuss the ramifications if you leave, and if you stay. Life is made of duality, so of course both options exist.

Bored

Whether it’s the same routine everyday, or the simple fact you have been together since high school, the spontaneity is gone. While each person holds a level of comfort and realization that the other person holds a high regard of significance, the aura of intrigue has dwindled. No longer are the comforts of the “known” enough to stimulate the intellect or interests of the two involved, or more so the one unattached. curiosities develop, and suddenly what was once denounced or ironically dismissed, has now become the epitome of their inability to resist. Whether it’s the free will and spirit of the “irresponsible,” or the appeal of the single with no strings attached, no longer does the structure of home satisfy their urge, despite the promise of their established commitment, or the respect afforded to their dedicated and dutiful counterpart. The things they would not tolerate from their significant other (i.e. tight clothes and loose lips), has now become a premise of excitement.

Ego-Maniacs

This one can be a tough pill to swallow, as explanations can run short. While someone being bored, or yearning for a momentary difference can provide a level of understanding, although never justifiable, can help revel in the “why’s.” Those with egos have no mercy or rate of distinction. It’s not about curiosity, its more about the fact they are breathing. It’s a personal accomplishment. It’s a tried and true theory centered on themselves. It’s a narcissistic way to feel empowered, attractive, and able. They want as much as they can get, as often as possible. They overindulge as a station of solidifying they can do it. It’s a thrill belonging to them solely, and this addiction stems far beyond the opposite sex, and reaches anything attainable, or even better those things determined “hard to get.” They are never satisfied, even if whole heartedly they actually are. There could be no issues at home or with their lover, yet the love for them will ignite the need to approach and conquer. They never get enough.

Unhappy, yet content

When things become tolerable, yet undesirable, people can feel conditioned to stay. It no longer becomes about the “ability,” to leave, as an entity can feel trapped. Sometimes this can be a mutual understanding, and at other times one body can be completely unaware. They desire something different, something else. Perhaps the person they are currently with provides a means to an end, whether it’s financially or emotionally. Rather than put that burden on someone else, they remain appreciative, yet unsatisfied. It could be the uncertainty that another will put up or be ironically as faithful as the one they are currently dealing with, leading them to stay without worry, yet stray without cause. They want to end things due to artificial aspects, but comprehend the “good,” in the one at home. So they find what they are lacking elsewhere. It could be they are unhappy full circle, and insecurities prevent movements, so they “test the waters,” to see exactly how successful they will be first.

Misinformed

Now this perspective can be cloudy, yet important to consider. We are taught certain values growing up, whether seen or heard, that mold our behaviors and decisions. Someone who witnessed a straying parent may have developed the wrong understanding of love. If the other stayed, he expects the same forgiveness, and if the relationship crumbles, he expects nobody hangs around. Its a twisted concept that many cam scream should be broken. “Break the cycle!” But that’s like teaching a right-handed individual to go left. They could very well want to be different from those before them, but could lack the maturity due to the void presented. All they know is a superficial form of connecting, and find replacing is easier than committing. They could feel “real love,” is too rare to count on, and unfortunately miss out on key people along the way.

Part 2 will discuss the flip side. The cheated.